Physical and Emotional pain aren’t as Mars and Venus as you might think! Have a read of my experience with physical pain and how to apply understanding of this to emotional wounds.
A few weeks ago, I burned my finger making dinner. Ouch! I ran to the tap and quickly put it under the stream of water. The water was freezing, colder than usual…with that icy weather outside; it clearly made the water in the pipes icy cold.. I was glad of it.
Soon after., I started to feel better. Taking it away from the water, I patted it dry, my skin red but numb. I scooped up the bin and headed outside. Suddenly, a gentle breeze came swooping over me. Oh my goodness(being polite here because of this blog but different words were used!!) I ran back to the water, holding it under again, the pain was fresh, unbearable almost. I needed relief instantly.
The surprise of how fresh the wound was caught me off guard. I knew I still had the burn of course but the PAIN from the breeze surprised me thinking that the intensity was gone. Far from it!My skin suffered a trauma, nerve endings damaged and a gentle breeze ‘triggered my pain again’
I needed the pain covered… the fresh air was unbearable!! so I got a plaster and wrapped my finger up. Finding comfort, finally protected by the plaster.
After a day or two, I peaked under the plaster, I put antiseptic cream on it and allowed it a moment in the air, almost testing…Is this bearable? am I OK without a plaster now? I found that I was, so I left the healing burn exposed.
I minded this burn. continuously putting cream on it. I washed my hair and noticed the hot water brought a fresh wave of reminders of the burn screaming at me “I’m still here you know?!” Switching to cold water, immediately trying to relieve it. Again, I tipped the hair dryer off it and switched to cool air immediately. I noticed the unpredictability of my wound unbearable in fresh air, immediately after the burn but begging for cool air when exposed to heat. How interchangeable my wound was. How triggered it was in different environments, in different times of its healing journey constantly trying to find its own conditions for healing.
My focus of it changed, I changed and adapted, not as aware on a day to day. It however, looked RED not stinging as much and more tolerant of the every day norms such as air and temperature. Then, one day someone said “oh you burnt your finger !” They noticed my wound. “Yes I said …cooking! but it’s getting better.” “Oh glad it’s getting better” they replied, “it looks sore!” They noticed it’s rawness.Although I got used to my healing, red burn, I suddenly paid attention to it again. After this interaction was over, I studied my finger… noticing the little knots of skin; the amazing ability of my body to repair under the right conditions. I pressed a finger over it, still feeling the slight sting and roughness of the damaged skin.That evening , I got some nice hand cream out, nurturing it a little more, sitting with it and giving it attention.
The same can be said for trauma of our nervous system. I know ‘trigger’ is such an overused word! However, it needs to be defined as an area of us that is not healed. Emotionally, you won’t heal if you judge, suppress or ignore your wound. You’ll be triggered in the same way I was with the burn. You’ll scream and be pained and people may or may not notice, which can be a punch to the wound in itself.But it’s what you do with that pain that matters.
You will likely be triggered by even the gentle breeze as you venture outside for the first time . Seemingly mundane but a major sensitivity. Or, the heat of water when it rushes over you, stinging in visual reminders. It knows no bounds. We do tend to care for physical wounds more mindfully but the same needs to be done for our emotional wounds.People may also think “that’s just a red mark on their finger” But this doesn’t for a second mean that it doesn’t sting, create focus of your being, demanding attention, hurting intensely, just because that person is smiling today or going to work as ‘normal’.
You yourself may even forget for a moment and be caught up in a distraction and then someone or something will bring it back. Suddenly fresh, raw emotions rising.Just because I went about putting the bin out clearly didn’t mean the burn wasn’t there.
If you’re not thinking about your wound all the time it doesn’t mean it’s gone. It’s a part of you. Your trauma also needs the hand cream taken out to nurture and sit with it whenever its noticed and felt.
Emotional wounds brings us through cycles. One moment it’s fleshy pink, other times its right back to needing to run to the stream of icy water; it’s that painful, that unbearable.
Know this: there are no time frames, no limits, no judgements, Just and Only the individuality of your trauma and learning it’s needs. For example, I didn’t judge the sensitivity of my skin telling it… “it’s just air! you’re so sensitive, skin, why are you acting like this?” No, I rushed to care for it.
Attend to care for your emotional wounds, sit with it, understand it and through this understanding and compassion you will create the conditions that will help your healing.
